67 – The line between whining and expressing your feelings

Hey, Mama, this is Mama’s Daily Dose. I’m Meghan Q Barrett of allyoumama.com. Mama’s Daily Dose is… the line between whining and expressing your feelings. Let’s get moving, before we get interrupted.

This has been a big conversation in my household lately. And I don’t want to hear my kids whining and complaining all the time. But I also want them to feel safe to express their feelings, I want them to be able to, you know, say, “Hey, I’m angry…hey, I’m frustrated.” And I have a nearly two year old that doesn’t really talk. So that’s not going to happen. But definitely trying to teach this to my four year old right now. And I just got really confused because I was like, I don’t want you to be whining. And he goes, Oh, well, Saxon whines and I’m like, Okay, now I need to try to explain the difference between whining and expressing your feelings and being able to have the words to say that because we also always say, we have, I think you may have heard my cat on this podcast before and that cat, he’s straight up whines. So I had to, you know, go on Google and take a look so that I could really explain this to my kid, because I felt like, I didn’t really have the words to explain the difference between whining and expressing your feelings. 
And so I came across something what I thought was a pretty good definition. And whining is more of expressing the struggle and blame without really trying to discover any solutions. It’s like just going around and around in a circle and whining about it. And you really are not interested in finding any solution to your issue, you just want to keep talking about it. Whereas expressing your emotions, you have some kind of desire to resolve it. And it’s not just some incessant talk at at the end of it, you may say, “Hey, I’m feeling really angry about X, Y, and Z. And here’s what I’m going to do about it, I’m either going to talk to the person or I’m just going to let it go.” So you do have some kind of solution at the end. And I felt that that was the best way to describe it to my four year old at this time. And as far as adults to our children, we kind of need to be there to hear them express these emotions and give them the chance to talk it out. And let them know the difference between expressing their emotions, and whining, complaining. And then as adults, we need to be able to do that too. And I think sometimes it is difficult to find a friend or family member that can really just listen without either fueling the fire of the whining, or trying to find a solution to it. Because sometimes we just need to talk it out and find our own solutions. And that’s where I think it is great that a therapist, a licensed therapist, or a coach comes in handy, somebody that you can just talk to, and they will just listen. Because honestly we all have the answers inside of us, we know what we want to do, and we instinctively know what is best for us. And sometimes we just need to talk it out to figure it out. You’re the one with the answers. Everyone else does not have the answers for you.

I hope you have a wonderful Tuesday Mama. And tomorrow we’re talking about mother figures and kind of playing another line on being a mother figure of being a friend and a mom. And I hope you have a wonderful and great day free of mama guilt because you deserve it.

Rather listen than read? Listen to the podcast here:

Mama’s Daily Dose

Meghan Q Barrett helps mamas figure their sh*t out so they can create a life they love as “mom” AND an individual without the mom guilt.

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